Freddy vs Jason vs Ash
by Cory J. Levy
Summary: When the search for the Necronomicon brings Ash to Forest Green, he lands on a path with a confrontation with two of the most vicious and brutal horrors he has ever faced. Will Ash be able to survive an alliance between Freddy Kurger and Jason Voorhees?
1. Prologue

**Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash**

**Prologue**

"But why are you so obsessed with going back to that place Lori? Both of them are dead! There's nothing left of either of them. You saw them sink to the bottom of the lake with your own eyes. All we're doing is wasting time and gas."

"Will, Jason and Freddy KILLED our friends! I have to know for certain that both of those monsters are dead once and for all, or else I'll never be able to sleep or live a normal life with myself again."

"Alright, I just have a feeling that this is a bad idea."

The dark blue, clunky van with Lori and Will sitting in the front car seats moves cautiously along the winding road leading through the tree filled wilderness. Snow falls lightly and covers the blacktop with the last remnants of a heavy blizzard that has just passed. The van passes a group of men in bright orange construction uniforms on the side of the road all circling, grasping, and pulling back on a thick rope. As Lori and Will swiftly pass them, the construction group tugs on the pulley system and raises a new welcoming sign up into the air that proudly boasts "Welcome To FOREST GREEN - A Vibrant Community Since 1824".

"Will, I need this, I need to put this to rest forever, or I don't know how I'll continue."

"I know, I know, Lori, I understand. I'm with you all the way to the end."

"Thank you Will."

The high school sweethearts move down the main street of the former Crystal Lake as redevelopment can be seen all around them. New houses, stores, street lights, sidewalks, and other aesthetics are all being constructed in droves. Small signs of the previous destruction and terror caused by Jason Voorhees can be seen; a slash here, a torn hole there. The van pauses to a slow stop and turns left at the end of Main Street, passing a gigantic mega-mart store at the very end of the main drag. Brandished on top of the store in giant blue and yellow letters is the phrase "S-Mart".

The van drives through the small suburban town before it reaches the town's wooded outskirts. Will turns the wheel and drives down a side road; past a heap of an old sign with words that can vaguely make out "Camp Crystal Lake" on them. A few twists and turns later, Will and Lori arrive at the camp only talked about in whispers. All of the old camp counselor, bunk, kitchen, utility, and entertainment houses have been torn down. Newly constructed house frames in varying degrees of completion sit on the remains Camp Blood. The only lingering house still standing is a rotting and dilapidated shack on the other end of the lake, hidden from view by greenery.

Will parks the aged van a few feet away from the dock that leads over the now frozen lake. The survivors of the horrible massacre and battle between Jason and Freddy both hop out of the van and land on the snow covered campsite. Will slams the door shut on his side and peers down to find out the front tire on his side is deeply embedded in snow, unable to move.

"Shit, it's going to take some work to get the van back out of here Lori," Will grumbles with slight annoyance to his tone.

Lori doesn't hear Will as she slides down the slight hill towards the dock. It's clear new work has not begun on the dock yet as the battle scars from Freddy and Jason's volatile encounter are still visible. Some planks are missing while most others are charred burnt from fire. Will gazes around the former camp as he lightly punches the side of his van. He spots a path of underbrush, grabs his crotch with a wince, and heads over to it. Lori steps out onto the dock carefully and kneels down to pat her hand over a splotch of dried blood. Lori's hand moves over the dried blood and she smiles happily and closes her eyes. A calm and quaint silence echoes through Lori's head as she puts her troubled thoughts to rest. She opens her eyes and breathes deeply before she gets up off her knees. Lori's smile suddenly begins to fade as she turns and sees a path of fresh footprints in the snow that seem to lead from right out of the water next to the dock. Panic and anxiety cover her face and she begins to shake her head back and forth. Some distance away, a loud crunching, chopping noise echoes through the air.

"Will? WILL!? WILLLLLLL!?" Lori screams as she runs back up the crest towards the van.

Lori scans around for Will uneasily but finds no sight of him. Lori begins to make her way around the snowy campground, yelling and searching for Will. After a short search, Lori stops dead in her tracks and gapes horrified at one of the new bunk houses under construction. Hanging from a piece of sturdy rope strapped to the top of the wooden beam apex is the decimated body of Will. Deep slash marks cover his body and a large pool of blood merges underneath his body on the ground. At the very top of the new house, on top of a triangular wooden beam apex, Will's head is planted on the peak, his throat jutting down onto the wood. Will's mouth is slack jawed open and blood seeps from the gash where his throat should be down some of the beams of the house.

Lori screams in shrill terror before she does a quick turn back to the van. Blocking her path, however, is Jason Voorhees. Jason is beaten, battle damaged, and soaked from the lake's water. New blood has been squirted across his chest. Jason Voorhees raises his machete in a machine's arc and swings downward at the young Lori with vicious intent. Lori falls to her side and narrowly avoids death as Jason's machete slices deeply into her left arm. Lori yelps in pain, scrambles to her feet, and haphazardly runs into the nearby woods. Jason goes to follow Lori until a low, insane filled, sick, growling bout of laughter bounces in his head. Jason ignores the intrusion and bounds after his prey.

Lori stumbles and snakes her way through the trees and foliage as Voorhees stalks her as an unending shadow. Jason stomps through the forest as loud, visceral screeches emanate within his mind, as if someone is scratching a long piece of metal on a chalkboard. Jason continues to pay no attention to the disturbances and continues following Lori. Lori frantically tries to put as much distance between her and Jason but her right foot gets tangled with a tree's roots. Lori shrieks as she lands on her sliced arm. The young woman clutches her arm and struggles to crawl away on the dirt ground. She manages to get a few inches before she comes to the soles of Jason Voorhee's boots. Lori screams the loudest as she looks up and sees Jason raising his machete up in the air in preparation to strike. Just as Jason is about to attack, a familiarly ghoulish voice rings through his head.

"Ohhhh, you got her now Big Guy! Maybe you should take her out for dinner before you do what you have in mind for her after she's dead, you freak…"

Jason Voorhees tilts his head to the side as he recognizes the voice that has been tormenting him since their hellacious encounter. Lori stares up confusedly from below Jason before she madly scrambles to her feet. Jason shoves the intruders voice away and shoves his machete forward with lethal precision. Lori lowly shrieks as Jason impales his deadly machete right through her stomach. Lori's blood squirts and stains the pure white snow in droplets in an exploding line. Jason pulls his machete back towards himself, bringing Lori's slouching and rapidly fading body with it. Jason grabs the sprawled Lori by the hair with a strong grip.

"Ah, I see Pam's little boy finally found a date to the Prom. Too bad she's stiffer than he'll ever be!"

The voice inside of Jason's head mocks him constantly as he drags the dead Lori behind his hulking frame. After a pacing trek, Jason reaches the weathered Voorhees shack. Just as he's about to enter inside with his catch, an eerily, ghostly image of the burned and battered Freddy Krueger himself appears in front of the shack in a puff of smoke. Freddy is missing his right arm from their battle, but in a moment Freddy pops a new arm out of his stump before he flips Jason off with his new middle finger. Jason Voorhees swings his machete violently sideways through the grisly mirage in front of him, slicing through nothing but air as Freddy's image disappears in a poof. Jason's machete swings wildly into a tree trunk next to the shack, wedging itself deeply in the wood.

"Looks like Little Jason's going a little psycho! Ah, but have no worries, Uncle Freddy has an answer Jason… we just need to get a little deeper inside this damn thick head of yours… AH-HAHAHAH!"

Jason ignores the voice once more as he drags the body of Lori into the shack, leaving his machete lodged in the tree behind him.


	2. A Match Made In Hell

**Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash**

**Chapter 1 A Match Made In Hell**

The aisles of the lush, new S-Mart are filled with customers of every lifestyle scrambling for last second Holiday gifts. The loud chattering of patrons of every age, race, creed, and nationality reverberates off every steel wall of the giant warehouse. Eager and irritated customers pack every check-out line, wanting to get home before another snow storm can roll through the town. Behind the check out lines is a brightly blue painted door above which a sign bearing "Employee Break Room" hangs. A few feet from the door, two young people wearing matching blue and yellow employee uniforms complete with "Hello My Name Is" name tags walk lazily together towards the break room.

"Hey, I'm just saying, if you need me to work your shift on Christmas Eve, I'll gladly do it for you," the young, handsome man says to the pretty woman walking with him.

"Why thank you Dave, you're just the most fantastic person in my life," the girl says with a sarcastic smirk, "but how many times do I have to tell you, we're working together on Christmas Eve!"

"Oh right, I keep forgetting about our little work date."

"Yeah, you know it Dave. We can have a nice candle-lit dinner in the frozen foods section."

"Whatever you want Caroline, or should I say Miss Employee of the Month."

Dave playfully rolls his eyes as the two reach the break room door. The gentlemen opens the entrance and holds it for Caroline to enter first. Dave follows after and lets the door slam shut. The noisy commotion outside the door is muffled by the walls. Caroline strides her way over to a table, plops down, and begins to study her college school work from a backpack. Dave scans the break room and smiles at what he finds.

"HEY MY MAN, how you doing!"

Dave grins towards his beaming, Indian co-worker Raoul. Raoul is laid out on a blue couch, taking all of it up by himself. Dave walks over and low-fives Raoul comically before shoving Raoul's legs off the couch and taking a seat for himself.

"So Dave, how are things… GOING?" Raoul says with a grin on his face as he bobs his head towards Caroline, who is intently focusing on her school work.

"Things are going perfectly fine without you knowing the details Raoul. So butt out Mr. Ass."

Raoul opens his mouth in a overly dramatic drawl as he quickly swivels his head between looking at Dave and looking at Caroline. Just as Raoul opens his mouth again, the break room door swings open and in walks in a juvenile looking black kid, bopping and bouncing his head all over the place, sending dreadlocks here and there. He opens his eyes, searches the room, and then pulls earplugs from their resting places inside his ears.

"AW SHIT, don't tell me I gotta take my break with Whitey McNice-Guy and Kal Penn Jr. over here. DAMN!"

"Hey Jarvis, good to see you too man," Dave says sarcastically.

"Yeah, now shut the door before I have to blow my head off to keep the sound out." Raoul jokes at Jarvis.

Jarvis grumbles a few choice curse words before he slams the door shut, causing Caroline to jump from the resulting loud bang. Jarvis makes his way over to the table and sits right on top of it, next to Caroline's pile of books and on some of her homework.

"So, anybody got any news or are we going to have to play Pin the Dreads on Jarvis' ass again?" Raoul snickers.

"Ah, I can tell you that if you don't shut the fuck up, I'm gonna shut you the fuck up," Jarvis says with a sneer.

"Alright, alright, cool it you two. Jesus, just get a room and get it over with fellas," Dave exclaims.

"We're just fooling around Dave, you know that," Raoul states as he shakes Jarvis' hand politely and bows before the dread locked employee.

"Did any of you hear about the new guy coming in today?" Caroline asks as she looks up from her books, gazing around at the three guys.

"No, what's his name Caroline?" Dave says attentively as Raoul and Jarvis exchange quick eye rolls about the love stricken Dave.

"Ashley Williams. But I heard management saying he likes to be called Ash," Caroline replies.

"ASHLEY!? Ha, what a fucking girl's name! I bet that guy hasn't even ever kissed a girl!" Jarvis hoots as he slaps his knee.

"Relax Jarvis, maybe we should give the guy a chance," Dave replies. "For all we know, he could be a great guy."

Jarvis and Raoul go quiet and look at each other for a moment before they burst out in laughter.

* * *

Jason Voorhees drags the lifeless body of Lori into his rotting shack in the woods behind Crystal Lake. He lays the body directly in front of a candle-lit alter made out of stone and an old table. Beside the decaying head of his own mother, Pamela Voorhees, Freddy Krueger's decapitated, demon skinned head sits on a stick. Jason turns away from the horrific alter and his fresh catch to look at the cache of weapons hanging off the wall of the shack. Knives, clubs, spikes, spears, and machetes hang arbitrarily. Jason reaches for an implement of death until he hears that distinct sound of wailing finger-knives slashing. Jason whips quickly around to view a now empty alter, his two prized possessions disappeared! Jason's one good eye opens wide and he quickly snaps to. Voorhees exits the shack and seizes his old machete from its lodged position in the tree trunk.

Once outside, Jason peers around for a culprit, but what he only finds a different, dreamy worldscape. Camp Crystal Lake is completely restored back to its original, pre-massacre vibrant setting circa the 1980's. Kids gallop from here to there, giving off spectacular auras of bright colors and shapes. Joyous cheers come in waves. Jason Voorhees is living his own nightmare. Jason cranks his head to the side as the loud, exhilarating sounds of two people making love can be heard over everything else in the environment. Jason already recognizes the owners of the two voices and he moves hastily towards the sound, his machete edging out in front of him. Voorhees ignores a group of camp counselors doing drugs and begging for him to join them as he steps into a bunk house.

As soon as Jason steps through the wooden doorframe, he spots a sole bed at the far end of the cabin. A blanket with the Camp Crystal Lake logo on it conceals two bodies withering and convulsing and moaning with one another. Jason stalks across the length of the room to the side of the bed. Jason raises his machete, ready to kill both members under the blanket. Jason Voorhees grabs the end of the blanket and throws the cover up into the air behind him. His actions reveal two disturbing lovers slamming and banging into one another; his own mother, Pamela Voorhees, and his nemesis, Freddy Krueger. Jason immediately strikes his machete downward with rage, aiming for Freddy's heart. Jason's machete passes right through Krueger's body to Freddy's amusement and Jason's frustration. Freddy laughs ghoulishly as Jason continues trying to slaughter Freddy with stab after stab.

"Oh Jason, my little boy, stop it! Calm down… THIS INSTANCE!" Pamela Voorhees scolds her son.

Pamela suddenly evaporates and reappears behind Jason. Pamela's Special Boy turns around and gazes obediently at his mother, completely under her control.

"Jason, my Jason, this is all in your sweet head. That demon is clinging to your deepest remaining fears, keeping himself alive and leaching off of you. Unless you do what I say like a good boy, you will be doomed to an eternity with that despicable tormentor stuck inside your mind, digging into your memories and tormenting you forever. But Jason, I know of a way to help both of you. To set you both free!"

Pamela talks excitedly as she explains to Jason and the ghostly Krueger, who has gotten off of the bed and stands next to Jason, a sick sneer on his face.

"Buried deep within my old house is a very special book boys. It is so special it can tap into the powers of the most ancient of all evils. If you can retrieve the book Jason, it can be used to free Freddy from your mind forever, releasing both of you from eternal damnation. Better yet, I promise that if you help us Jason, it can be used to grant your two deepest wishes my boy: it can bring me back to life… and it can give your maniac mind what it wants the most; a taste of intelligence!"

Jason Voorhees cranks his head to the left, looking at his mother, then to the right, looking at Freddy. Freddy Krueger smiles widely as he gawks up at Jason.

"What do ya say champ… we work together for a tiny few moments, maybe even have a little fun on the way, and we both end up getting what we want. Me, freedom from this damn hellhole inside your mind. You, your precious mother and some smarts in your retarded head. What do ya say… Jason?" Freddy inquires in an evil drawl.

Jason gazes at Freddy Krueger for a few seconds, sizing up the Dream Demon. Finally, Jason slowly shakes his head up and down, agreeing to the deadly alliance in a primitive response.

"AH-HAHAHAHAHA, THIS WILL BE A MATCH MADE IN HELL!" Freddy yells animatedly.

Pamela Voorhees moves closer to her son, places her hands on the sides of his dirty old hockey mask and speaks softly.

"My sweet, innocent Jason… go to my house and retrieve the Necronomicon… Ex… Mortis! Until then… nobody shall be able to stop the BOTH of YOU! AH-HAHAHAHAHAHA!"


	3. Badass Incarnate

**Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash**

**Chapter 2 Badass Incarnate **

The beat-up 1972 Oldsmobile shaded an ugly, faded yellow puffs several clouds of pitch black smoke out the exhaust pipe as it pulls into the packed parking lot of the glistening S-Mart. The Olds moves slowly around the crowds of customers before pulling into an empty parking space. The engine cuts off with a dying whir and the driver's side door swings open, just narrowly stopping short of the car parked next to it. Out of the Oldsmobile steps a man who looks extremely out of place in his bright blue and yellow uniform. The man grimaces as he places the pin end of a name tag onto his chest with one hand. He grabs a large guitar case out of the passenger seat of his car before slamming the door shut and beginning to trek towards the S-Mart. The man's right hand is missing, a bandaged stump where it should be. Printed in large black letters on his name tag are the words "ASH WILLIAMS".

"Why do so many people wait until the week before Christmas to go shopping? Don't they realize that only suckers do that? Christ, I thought deadites were the worst things to come out during dark times."

Ash grins as he thinks to himself.

"House ware department huh? At least I'll get some exercise jogging all over the place to serve some rich asshole. Doesn't matter much anyway, I'm not here to make nice with jerk customers. I have to go to every little hellhole town like this for one reason only: I must destroy the Necronomicon before it falls into the wrong hands… again. It's only my destiny after all. Apparently there was some jacked up psycho named Voorwhos or Veehors or something that slaughtered a whole mess of people at a nearby camp. He supposedly had powerful supernatural abilities that drove the town mad with fear. That's about the only lead I have… so far."

Ash Williams makes his way through the two large, blue automatic doors that give access to the S-Mart. The store is still filled with noisy and irritated customers, surging into one mass of annoying skin. Ash grumbles at the sight of all the customers before he searches through the front of the store, eventually finding the service desk. Ash cockily announces his arrival to the older aged women who in turn quickly types into the computer in front of her. A few moments later she points over towards a young, pimply faced teen wearing a yellow star on his shirt right next to his name tag that bears the initials MGR on them. Ash groans to himself for a moment before he hands his large guitar case to the older lady to put behind the service desk, causing her to almost fall over from the weight. Ash doesn't notice as he saunters towards the manager that is younger than him.

"Hey kid, the name's Ash, I just got here, supposed to start today, y'know what I mean?" Ash muses at the barely past puberty adolescent.

The kid looks up from the check list he holds in his frail hands.

"Aw yes, Mr. Williams. Welcome aboard! My name is Hodder and I will be your manager for your stay here at our splendid S-Mart here in Forest Green! The first thing I want to go over is…"

"Hey kid, spare me the pep talk alright. I've worked in an S-Mart for longer then you've been able to walk," Ash exclaims with a shade of anger.

"Oh… okay then, if you want to be a Nasty Nancy that's your choice mister. Regardless, let me take you to the break room and introduce you to the other 'grunts'," Hodder says sternly.

Hodder leads Ash towards the break room, merrily waving and greeting customers as he passes them, most not even acknowledging the pimply faced manager. Hodder pushes the break room door open and steps inside, Ash follows right behind. Immediately, Jarvis jumps to his feet and salutes the manager.

"REPORTING FOR BREAK DUTY GEENRAL HODDER…. DAMN… SIR!" Jarvis yells, mocking the teenage manager.

"At ease ace," Raoul remarks as he leaps to his feet and mockingly air punches Jarvis' gut, making Jarvis flinch and curse.

"Alright, alright, calm down you misfits. This is Ashley Williams, the new 'recruit' into our S-Mart Army!" Hodder says excitedly. The other employees just sigh. "Ash, the foul mouthed hip-hopper over there is Jarvis. The Indian wise-ass is Raoul. The actually nice male member sitting down is Dave and our very own Employee of the Month right over there is Caroline."

Each of the four kids waves, nods, or ignores Ash as Hodder introduces them.

"Ashley, these four will initiate you to our very own S-Mart and lead you in what will hopefully be a productive career here in Forest Green. Remember, have fun and always think about the customer! And Jarvis, would you please remove the vulgar stickers you have placed on the front doors, they're distracting our customers!" Hodder lightly yells at Jarvis, who just grumbles and flips off the manager as he scratches his dreadlocks.

Hodder back the way he came, opens the break room door, and quickly exits. Ash gazes at each of the four kids, analyzing each of them individually.

"So… old man, you gonna tell us why you're still working at a shitty place like S-Mart when you could be my father, or are we just gonna have to stew in yo' awkward ass silence?" Jarvis grunts at Ash.

"Yeah, what's up with working here when you should be back in the home?" Raoul chuckles.

Ash scoffs at the two jokesters as he walks over to them, standing a few inches away from both Raoul and Jarvis, looking down at them.

"Listen up you punks, I'm only here right now for some loose chump change. I'm in your little hick town for something bigger then you two pipsqueaks could possibly comprehend," Ash states with vigor.

"Really? Like what? What are you here in Crystal Lake for Ashley, I mean Ash," Caroline inquires dreamily to Ash, who turns and looks down to her before he begins talking.

"I can't go into details right now lady, but where I come from, I'm a hero. I've gone places you only see in movies. I've defeated things that would cause your skin to crawl right off your body. I'm here to find something that could doom the entire universe…" Ash proclaims in a steady voice.

Caroline's eyes go wide as she instantly becomes amazed by the loud mouthed braggart. Jarvis and Raoul look at each other, shake their heads, and stifle a laugh. Dave quickly skims back and forth between Ash and Caroline, not liking what he's seeing.

"Oh come on Ash, that sounds like a giant, steaming load to me," Dave declares as he rises from the couch. He moves in front of Caroline and looks him right in the eye.

"Kid, listen up and listen up well, there's things that can find there way here that you don't want any piece of. There is only one man on this earth that can fight them and win. And kid, that one man is me," Ash says gravely.

Dave gazes sideways at Jarvis and Raoul with a smirk for a few seconds before looking back at Ash.

"Whatever you say old man. Guys, let's get back to work before Ashley has to break out his walker for a fight," Dave ridicules Ash.

Jarvis, Raoul, and Dave head towards the break room door and exit, leaving Caroline alone with Ash. The door slams shut with a thump. Ash charges towards the door with an angry stride and smashes his remaining fist off the door, clanging it in a loud noise. From outside the door comes a trio of chuckles.

"Ignore them Ash, they're just jealous. You're really fascinating!" Caroline exclaims in girlish joy.

Ash's left eyebrow creases upward in an arc as he turns around to face Caroline.

"Yeah…?"

"Heck yeah! All that stuff you said about being a hero, it makes me want to get out of this place so much! I'm sick of being stuck in this town where nothing interesting happens. So tell me Ash, what happened to you? And why are you here? And what happened to your hand?"

"It's a long story. But the short of it is that I rented this cabin from this old professor and when me and my friends strolled up there for a little vacation, all hell broke loose. Hidden on a tape recorder that we found was a reciting from an ancient book of evil called the Necronomicon that released an wickedness into the woods around the cabin. The evil spirits killed my friends, took my girlfriend, possessed my hand, forced me to chop it off, tormented me and sent me back in time to the days of King Henry the Red."

"Is… is that true Ash?"

"Oh, it's all true baby. It's my past and it's my destiny. My cursed destiny to track down that book of pure evil, retrieve it, and destroy it once and for all. The Necronomicon must not fall into the wrong hands… again.. or it could be used to transform our world into one of chaos and all hell."

"That's amazing Ash! But I have to ask, what are you doing looking for the Necro… Necronomicon in Crystal Lake?"

"I've been tracking the book for such a long time, traveling to little towns like this all over the good old US. During my latest research I found news articles about a hockey masked psycho killer that can come back from the dead named Jason Voorhees…"

Caroline shrieks loudly, cutting Ash off.

"What's wrong Caroline? Do you know about this Voorhees?"

Caroline starts lightly sobbing as Ash leans down next to her, places an arm around her smoothly, and comforts her in the macho way that only he can do.

"Caroline, I must know more about this guy. If he's in possession of the Necronomicon he must be killed and I must destroy the book before it's used for the wrong purposes."

"He… he… he's a monster Ash. The town has tried to forget about Jason Voorhees so many times but he keeps coming back and he keeps killing. The story supposedly goes that he drowned in Crystal Lake, the camp counselors ignored him, and he came back from the dead to get revenge on everybody. He's killed so many people Ash… He's even terrorized my cousin Lori!"

Ash holds Caroline in his arms as he ponders about this deadite Jason Voorhees in his head. Ash pulls Caroline away from him and looks her in the eyes.

"You must help me Caroline, you must tell me where this bag of death is. You could help me complete my destiny."

"Well, the old Voorhees house hasn't been wrecked down yet. It's not going to be torn down until the new year. I don't know if he's still there or where the hell he is, Jason hasn't been heard from in a long time, since he plunged back into the lake."

"Then it's settled, I have to go down to the old Voorhees house, kick some ass, take some names, and destroy that damn…"

Suddenly the door to the break room veers open, causing both Caroline and Ash to jump up in surprise. Jarvis, Raoul, and Dave all fall forward onto the floor of the break room, laughing their heads off in glee. Ash immediately seethes anger as he stands up and hides Caroline. Dave is the first one to get to his feet and face Ash.

"OH MAN, this is freaking great! An old, withered man who works at an S-Mart is a time-traveling evil prosecutor of the Gods! HAHAHA! And he's going to go fight Jason Voorhees! He isn't even alive anymore man! BWAHAHAHA!" Dave laughs continually.

"AWW SHIT MAN, HE GOT HIS HAND EXORCISED BRO!" Jarvis hollers with amusement.

"DUDE, DUDE, I wonder if Badass Incarnate over here could maybe somehow stab Jason in the heart with his walker!" Raoul boasts as he chortles.

Ash Williams looks angrily at the three S-Mart employees, laughing their heads off. Ash just steps around the laughing young group and heads towards the break room exit door as they continue to mock and deride Ash. Caroline tries following after Ash, but Dave grabs her by the waist and holds her close to him. Caroline looks towards the break room door, viewing one last instant of the Badass Incarnate before the break room door slams shut, shutting off the view of Ash's departure.


	4. Holiday Hell

**Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash**

**Chapter 3 Holiday Hell**

"Ah, what goodies shall we take for the picnic, Jason…"

Freddy Krueger snickers from inside Jason Voorhees' very own psyche as Jason stands staring in front of the weapons wall in the decrepit and molding shack. Adorning the wall are numerous devices of death, all worn down and splattered with dried blood. Machetes, spears, clubs, pieces of timber, rope, fire starters, and even a grenade among others all hang from the wooden wall by straps and ties. Jason's good eye scans back and forth between the various apparatuses, searching for a tool to aid him. Suddenly, a pale, colorless, ghastly version of Krueger steps through the wall, clicking his finger knives together in an excited pose. Freddy moves next to Jason and gazes at the wall with him, eventually scratching his chin with his finger-knives, cutting his own chin with the sharp edges.

"Ah-HA! I know what we need big boy," Freddy says happily as he throws his hands up a little, throwing his own stark white blood onto Jason's mask.

Freddy points jubilantly up to the weapon hanging the highest on the wall. Jason's head pans up to look at what Krueger is beckoning at. Jason reaches up, grabs the weapon, and seizes the machine, getting a feel for exactly how to use and how to kill with it. The imaginary Freddy grins evilly as Jason swings the weapon back and forth lightly, batting at the air.

"Hey champ, all you gotta do is press this little button," Freddy's upper body moves forward, stretching his abdomen abnormally long, and indicates a faded red button, "and you'll have yourself a few whirling blades of death."

Jason jams a hefty finger down onto the red button and in a few moments the blades on the end of the weed whacker show signs of life and begin to rotate dangerously, turning into spinning razors of death. Jason gazes at the blades as Freddy lets out a low gurgle of laughter.

"What do ya say Jase, how about you grab your old machete, because we all know you can't get your jollies without it, and let's go get that damn book… and bring your mother back to life…"

Freddy Krueger disappears away from Jason, reappearing by the doorway. Jason pushes the button on the whacker again, grabs a machete from the wall, and shoves it into a loop in his pants, allowing him to lug the heavy duty gardening tool with both hands. Jason turns and takes one last glimpse at the alter with both Pamela Voorhees' and Freddy's old head on it before he turns and heads out of the shack.

* * *

The lights gleam off the shiny, acrylic, metallic aqua blue shade of paint. The tag below the case states Industrial Quality and displays a heavy price tag. The teeth needle so sharp you could cut through just about anything with it. This chainsaw is the mother of all badass chainsaws everywhere. Ash Williams stands just below the exhibit of what the sign says is the "Elite Thompson Chainsaw 1428X". Ash knows the numbers and the name mean jack squat, but he knows a good chainsaw when he sees one. He clutches the stump on his right arm with his one useful hand as he peers dreamily up at the hacking device. He's interrupted by a hand anxiously tapping his shoulder. Ash swivels around angrily, sick of dealing with customers already, but what he sees when he turns around immediately changes his attitude. Standing behind him is a leggy blonde chick with low-rise jeans that stick to her legs and a flimsy sweater concealing a rather large chest under a winter skiing jacket. The girl smiles at Ash, who in response turns to goop.

"Oh, hello mister… Ash! My name's Bree and I was wondering if you could maybe help me out a little bit and direct me to the Camping Stuff, it would be like really cool if you could!"

The younger woman talks with an obviously fake state of enjoyment as she ogles and giggles at Ash.

"Why, I'm sure I could you help you out missy, just follow Ash and you'll be safe sweetheart."

Ash smiles cockily as he leads the younger woman towards the camping aisles. She peers up and down the aisle's, gawking at the camping gear.

"Ummm… Ash, I think I don't have enough money for this stuff. Oh shucks, I really wanted to enjoy someone's company in the great outdoors this weekend…"

Bree suddenly plasters down trot look on her face as she looks up at Ash the way a puppy dog wanting a treat would.

"Well sweetheart, I got a company discount and I could get this stuff for cheap. What do ya say that I do ya a favor?"

The malicious girl's face lights up like a Christmas tree and she hugs Ash tightly.

"OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU ASH! I COULD KISS YOU RIGHT NOW!"

Bree yells excitedly as Ash's face reads pure indulgence. Bree leads Ash up and down the few camping aisles still in stock during the holiday season, pointing here and pointing there at stuff that Ash quickly grabs from the shelves, becoming Bree's personal lap dog. Ash's hands are soon filled with camping goods, from sleeping bags to lanterns to astronaut food. Bree leads Ash to the check out line, all the while smiling and lightly touching Ash on the shoulder. Ash pays for everything Bree wants and unhappily grabs the receipt from the check out lady, grimacing as he looks at the three digit number in front of him. But Ash quickly forgets that when Bree grabs him by the arm.

"Oh Ash, do you think you could help me to my car, I would be SOOOOOO grateful if you did, you strong man you!"

Ash sticks his chest out as he hears this. He quickly snaps his head up and down before he spots Raoul and Jarvis coming inside the S-Mart through automatic, blue double doors. They're chatting back and forth in a jovial mood as Ash yells towards them.

"HEY, YOU TWO, GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME CARRY THESE BAGS AND I'LL MAKE IT WORTH YOUR WHILE!"

Raoul and Jarvis mockingly march their way over to where Ash is standing with Bree's bags of merchandise. They both mock salute Ash, Jarvis' dreadlocks flying around as a result. Ash's former smile droops into an irritated sneer as Jarvis and Raoul prod Ash some more.

"REPORTING FOR DUTY GENERAL ASSHOLE!" Jarvis screams right in Ash's ear.

"YEAH, ANYTHING WE CAN HELP FOR THE JASON KILLER SIR!" Raoul screams into Ash's other ear.

"Alright, alright, cut it out you clowns before I show you just how much I can kick ass. Just help me carry these bags and I'll give you both something in return," Ash says sternly to the two S-Mart employees.

"Like what, some fucking Depends?" Jarvis inquires as he observes Bree out of the corner of his eye.

"Well, maybe I'll buy you a damn belt so you can keep your pants up from around your ankles Jarvis," Ash says as he looks down at Jarvis' sagging baggy pants.

Jarvis grumbles as he and Raoul both grab some bags from the counter. The group of three S-Mart employees follow Bree out of the store into the chilling cold. Outside, Bree constantly thanks Ash and inflates his ego even more, occasionally stroking his arm. Finally the group reaches Bree's car, a ridiculously expensive looking sports car painted bright red and white, parked directly next to Ash's '72 Oldsmobile. Bree pops the trunk and the guys toss her stuff into the back of her deluxe sports car. Ash throws the hood back down with a clang as he smiles broadly.

"So, what do you say you gimme some sug…"

"JEREMY!"

Ash's mouth drops open as he watches Bree jump from behind the car and right into the arms of a hunky looking, dirty blond haired college type with a letterman's jacket on. Jeremy clutches at Bree like an animal before the two shove each other's faces up against one another, mashing their lips against the other's. Bree and Jeremy's tongue's snake out of their mouths and entangle out in the open air in a disgusting entanglement of spit and muscle. Ash gets a very appalled look on his face as a group of young people get out of the also expensive looking Jeep parked next to Bree's sports car. A single guy wearing a fancy looking suit and another couple with their arms around one another step out from the Jeep. Bree finally breaks the lip lock with her boyfriend before she looks back at the group of lowly S-Mart employees.

"Thanks for the help old creep, but why don't you take your loser friends back to the K-Mart and get back to work," Bree says snidely at Ash.

"Yeah, get the hell out of here you losers, like a girl of this one's quality is going to spend time with you ugly losers. I mean, you don't even have a right hand geezer," Jeremy exclaims before he flips his hair out of his eye-line.

Ash seethes with anger and grief as the group of youthful boys and girls talk, hoot, and holler about what they're going to be doing later. Ash doesn't leave however, he just stands there, glaring at the group of youngsters making a mockery of him. Raoul and Jarvis come up on each side of Ash and grab him by the shoulders, but he just shrugs them off.

"Hey, you punks, let me tell you a little about how much more ass I kick then all of you whiny, spoiled brats combined…," Ash interjects, causing the kids to fall silent and stare back at him.

"HEY OLD MAN, we told YOU, get the fuck out of here before we're forced to kick your ass all the way back to the graveyard you belong in," the single guy retorts.

"Yeah, and take your member of the local I'MABITCHZ Tribe and 50 Cent Trash over there with you," the other guy holding his girl yells at the three.

"MAN, FUCK Y'ALL, I'LL TAKE ON EACH ONE OF YA AND SEND YA BACK TO GREENICH, FUCKIN' PREPS!" Jarvis yells hysterically as Raoul restrains him back.

"Just leave morons, we're planning something over here, something cooler then the one time you saw a naked tit, Indian Fossil," Jeremy yells back.

"Oh yeah, like what? You going to finally go public and do those funny games you do in the men's locker rooms with your girl's huh!?" Raoul yells with fury.

"Pfft, whatever India, at least these guys are getting some unlike you! And we're doing something extreme and thrilling!" Bree shouts at Raoul.

"Oh yeah, like what, crabby!?" Raoul yells…

* * *

"Oh Tony, don't you think we should head home now, we've been singing for three hours and my voice is starting to go away."

"Sure, sure, cupcake, let's head back."

The two older carolers walk hand in hand along the snow covered sidewalk, right next to the edge of the forest leading into Camp Crystal Lake. Earmuffs cover both of the couple's ears and each is bundled up in warm winter jackets.

"Ah, let's sing a little as we head back Tony, one last time before the New Year."

"If you want Nancy."

Nancy leads the way as her melancholy voice begins to ring out the first few lines of "Joy To The World". Her voice bounces off the edge of the forest as Tony joins in the festive singing. The two seem happily content as they sing alone on the sidewalk outside of town. Tony turns towards his wife and smiles deeply as they Nancy drops her own voice out and Tony does a solo. Tony's deep, stirring voice blocks out the nearby sound of some garden tool churning to life.

"JOY TO THE WORLD… THE LORD IS…"

A low and sickly voice speaks inside of his head, "Now…"

The caroling couple does not hear the whirring to life of a weed whacker. The faded green garden tool along with the monster handling it come blurring out of the woods. The spiraling blades twist directly down onto the face of Tony, the male caroler. Before he can even scream, the blades gash, shred, and slash his face to shreds. Blood, skin, teeth, eyeball fluid, and chipped bone go flying everywhere as Jason Voorhees stands over the Tony as he obliterates his face with the weed whacker. The caroler's arms, legs, and middle body thrash in every different direction as his face is shredded like Swiss cheese. Body and brain matter sloshes down onto the pure, white snow in droves. The weed whacker smashes and corks into the man's face, sending blood flying everywhere. Finally, the Christmas singer's body goes limp and Jason slams the weed whacker down further into the man's face, sending the extension through the other side of the man's skull.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Nancy screams in pure horror as her husband's face gets pureed to a pulp. She stumbles to the ground next to her dead husband as she continues to scream for help from anyone in the universe. She stares wide-eyed up at the monstrous Jason Voorhees for only a second before she pushes herself up off the snow covered ground. She begins to run as fast as she can from Jason for several moments. She soon realizes, however, she isn't going anywhere as Jason Voorhees has an extremely tight grip on her hair. Jason holds her at arm's length as she screams and begs for her life. Jason coldly pulls the machete from his pants loop and holds it straight in front of him. He tilts his head sideways as he looks at the woman struggling to free herself from his grasp. Jason simply tugs the woman back towards him with force. The woman shrieks once more before the machete impales her right through the stomach, bursting out the other side. Blood and stomach acid spray from the newly formed hole down onto the snow as she yells softly one last time before she also goes limp. Jason pushes the woman forward and she slides off the butcher tool, making her fall face first into the snow. Jason stands over the two dead bodies as sick steam rises from his bloody machete.

"AH-HAHAHAHAH, FANTASTIC KILL!" Freddy Krueger booms from inside Jason's cranium. "But now…."

* * *

"WE'RE SPENDING THE NIGHT AT THE VOORHEES HOUSE BEFORE THEY CRASH IT!" Bree yells at the three S-Mart employees.

The group of young, rich individuals jump into their two luxurious posh cars as Ash stands there with his mouth slightly a jar. The kids yell and howl with merriment as they speed past Ash, Raoul, and Jarvis. Ash just stares at the trail the two cars leave behind. Raoul and Jarvis stand on each side of Ash.

"Come on Ash, let it go, those kids are asses," Raoul says as he grabs Ash by the shoulder.

"No, I've got to get to the Voorhees house and I've gotta destroy that damn book before they get killed," Ash replies as he shrugs Raoul's hand off him.

"Aw not that shit again. We're telling' ya Ash, there ain't no Jason Voorhees alive anymore, it's just a legend. All you're gonna to be doing is puttin' you through more hell by those idiots man," Jarvis pleads with Ash.

"Yeah, that may be, but I've been through Hell before, and it's what I do." Ash states calmly before he walks over to his '72 Oldsmobile.

Ash Williams swings the door open and hops inside, quickly pulling out through puffs of black smoke, billowing onto Jarvis and Raoul, who simply shake their heads at the crazy old man.

* * *

"…. pick up those bodies, trash them in the woods, and let's go get us our damn Book… of the Dead. But not before we make some pure HOLIDAY HELL! AH-HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Jason Voorhees stashes his machete back in his pants loop and grabs both of the slacked bodies under him before turning and stomping back into the woods. The snow already begins to cover the blood and faded green wee whacker with its pure, white, innocent powder.


End file.
